How do you make it through a season of loss?
The song "One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus" immediately jumps into my brain, in a southern twang - one day at a time, sweet Jesus! One day at a time. Loss can creep up on you. It doesn't have to be fast or quick. It can happen in such a way that you don't even know it's happening until it's happened, much like the pot that boils slowly and you don't realize that you're in it until it's too late.
I recently experienced a loss in a long time relationship with relative, someone who was close and dear to me. Physically we had distance between us, as they had moved to another continent, but I counted on a continued close relationship. As this precious person moved away, I noticed slight changes in behaviours and tone in the voice that signalled warnings that things were not the same, but I disregarded them, thinking that they were not so serious. This distant relationship was going to be new for both of us after all, and it would take some video calls and long distance calls to keep in touch. It would look different and be different. As time moved forward, It got harder to get in touch, and days between hellos became longer. Then that nagging feeling that they don't WANT to keep in touch with you slowly births, and BOOM! The water in the pot is boiling.
I recently experienced a loss in a long time relationship with relative, someone who was close and dear to me. Physically we had distance between us, as they had moved to another continent, but I counted on a continued close relationship. As this precious person moved away, I noticed slight changes in behaviours and tone in the voice that signalled warnings that things were not the same, but I disregarded them, thinking that they were not so serious. This distant relationship was going to be new for both of us after all, and it would take some video calls and long distance calls to keep in touch. It would look different and be different. As time moved forward, It got harder to get in touch, and days between hellos became longer. Then that nagging feeling that they don't WANT to keep in touch with you slowly births, and BOOM! The water in the pot is boiling.
I lost this person. Something changed along the way. I have my suspicions and know that other people are involved but I didn't think, in a million years kinda way, that I would be estranged from this person. It's a loss, a deep hurtful loss. My saviour, can you see what pain there is?
To be honest, I've never actually experienced gaslighting is such a clear fashion but I think this is what you call gaslighting - cause someone to react a certain way - then blame them for acting that way, so it justifies how they treat you. I've never questioned my relationship or what was the reality of it, but after they ripped our relationship apart saying it was all questionable, it made me think I've lost it. Once I started reacting to the warnings I was experiencing with concerns and worry, I was told that I was not supportive or positive. They changed the way we related - I reacted - then I was told that I was being pushed away because of how I was reacting.
This relationship is not better at the writing of this blog, in fact it is worse. The loss is extremely painful. Some days I deal with it well, and other days I'm a wreck. I know that Jesus (Yeshua) is walking with me every day. I know that He sees what is going on. I am grieving and like David did on some days, I have to ask my soul "Why are you so downcast?"
Sorrow is a friend of Loss and the two be my companions of late.
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